Waves of Nothingness.
Just if I knew how to stop and start walking again.. My world is spinning.. and spinning beyond my control. I kept thinking and wondering, if the decisions I made today was the right one. I know well, there isn’t a right or wrong. If mistakes happen, fix it.
I’m not motivated either. Why am I not..? I used to keep going, and going and never knew how to look back. But now, it’s different. I feel lost most times, could this be another level of being independent? I never had to make such choices, and with the constant pressure ‘to be careful’, I never knew I lack so much confidence.
Everyone thinks I know it all, I do for most things and for others. Never for myself, because I suppose it’s like gambling. Like being afraid to lose a bet, I’m afraid to make mistakes. Is it because I was built this way, I’ve become and introvert person. No one knows how much I have inside of me, that is just constantly tearing my heart. I know I have alot to give to others, but when I’m alone. I feel alone and nothingness.
I did try. I just wish I could try harder to keep myself as alive as a person should be.
